Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development » General

On Being Bold

James — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 03:40:55 +0000

Twenty years ago today I was returning to high school after Christmas break for the final time. It was my senior year and while most of my classmates were stressed out about their futures, I wasn’t due to the boldest decision I’ve ever made. A decision that worried everyone around me.

I had decided early on which college I wanted to attended. I had a set of criteria and found a school that met them all. So that was the only school I applied to. My guidance counselor nearly had a heart attack when she found out I was only applying to one school and didn’t have a “safety school.” I told her that it was the school that I planned to attend and I assured her I would have no trouble getting in. My parents were less concerned, but still concerned. But they all breathed a sigh of relief when I got my “You’ve been accepted to Bentley College” packet in the mail the day that winter break started.

A lot of goal setting programs tell you to do just this – cut off any possible alternatives so that failure is not an option. It’s an interesting strategy because it can yield big payoffs when you’re successful. It’s also a tremendous high – there’s nothing quite like showing everyone around you that you just did what they thought was impossible. But if you’re not, it can be quite problematic.

Bold goals and decisions can take a variety of forms. It could be doing something that others have tried but failed at or it could be going for the win when a tie is definite. It also depends on who you are. It’s not a big deal for a seasoned runner to attempt to complete a marathon, but it is for someone who is currently fifty pounds overweight and is planning to run the Boston Marathon in April.

So why would anyone do this to begin with? In addition to the rush, it’s an effective form of motivation for those of us who have problems getting off our butts and taking action. It forces you to commit to a goal 100%. When you’ve told your family, friends, coworkers, fans or anyone that will listen that you plan on doing something, you have no choice but to deliver (or at least give 100% trying to deliver).

Do bold goals work? Absolutely, but they also don’t and can potentially leave the person attempting them in a position worse off than when they started. I’ve attempted many bold goals throughout my life. Some were successful while others set me back or left me humiliated. But overall, I’ve succeeded with them more than I’ve failed. It has been quite some time since I’ve last attempted something bold which is why I decided to try something bold this year.

My advice for people setting bold goals is to treat it like you’re a tightrope walker. You wouldn’t start out walking across a wire that was fifty feet above the ground. You’d start lower, or at least use a safety net. So start with a bold goal that won’t derail you. Rather than professing your love to your officemate that you’ve admired for years, start out at a bar with someone you believe is out of your league. Instead of quitting your job to start a business, start it part-time during nights and weekends.

Now don’t throw that big goal away. Once you’ve had that initial success and tasted victory, amp it up and try something more challenging. Work your way up for the big kill and then go for it. I can tell you from experience, that once you reach it the high you’ll get will dwarf the effects of any recreational drug out there – not that I recommend or have experience with drugs, it’s just a figure of speech.

So get out there and be bold. You’ll be amazed what you can accomplish by moving outside of your comfort zone.

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Ten Tips for College Students – Part Two

James — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 12:59:07 +0000

In the prior post from this series, we discussed some of the ways that college students can better prepare themselves for after graduation while still enjoying themselves. We’ll continue with this theme in this post and pick up from where we left off.

6. Get an internship

Internships (both paid and unpaid) can help get your career started quickly. Many of my friends in college ended up working for the companies they interned with after graduation. But even if you’re not offered a job, it’s great resume building experience (and you may even learn a thing or two). Students with actual work experience in their area of study are more attractive to employers than those without.

My internship was with a software company and I did hardware and software support. It was a big eye opener for me. I thought that this type of work was something I wanted to do, but after my internship I learned that I didn’t enjoy it. So I moved on to other areas of technology that I did enjoy working in.

7. Attend on campus events

If you attend a larger school, this is especially important but it also applies at smaller schools. On campus events are a great way to meet new people and to be seen. I lived at home during my freshman year of college but still attended almost every major on campus event. Many of my fellow commuter friends skipped out on these events, but not me. I remember once talking to a gal who didn’t believe me when I told her I was a commuter – she said that she had seen me around too much for me to be a commuter.

Your college years go by fast, so you only have a limited amount of time to connect with people. It’s impossible to meet everyone, but it’s possible to become a familiar face or a friend-of-a-friend. During my freshman year there was a hypnotist that came on campus for a show one weekend so I attended with some friends. When he looked for volunteers to come up on stage, I jumped right up. I had tried it before so I knew what to expect (and also knew I wouldn’t actually be hypnotized) but I got up there and acted like a fool regardless. A year later I met some people that remembered me from that night – they didn’t believe I was faking being hypnotize (or that I was a commuter at the time).

So the lesson here is that attending these events makes you a familiar face. Some people are terrible with names but most of us remember faces. So even if someone never meets you while you’re in college, you may run into him or her down the road at a job interview or alumni event. They may know a friend of your or you may know one of theirs. But the bottom line is that you have an icebreaker.

8. Attend a professional event in your target industry

When I was President of my Toastmasters club, I received an email from a student at a local college (coincidentally, the same one I attended). This young lady was working on a group project and wanted to know if it was okay to attend a meeting and observe. I was glad to have them there and even sat with them for a few minutes afterwards to answer questions.

So many groups, including trade organizations, offer inexpensive ways to help current students get involved, yet so few do. One entrepreneurship organization whose meetings I’ve attended gives a significant discount to current students who join (they pay about 20% of what non-students do). Some groups allow students to attend for free or have a limited number of free student slots available for each event. So find some local events that you can get to and see what discounts are available.

Like most of the other items on this list, this is another great way to connect with people in your target industry that may be able to help you down the line.

9. Hang out

Some of my favorite memories from college are from simply hanging out in the dorms talking, playing video games and watching TV. There are certain phrases that pop up from time to time in email and on Facebook from some of these moments of bonding.

Hanging out with friends and talking helps build your social and interpersonal skills. You learn about people, friendship and these are the times that you’ll build those relationships that last a lifetime. In high school, you’re limited to a few hours each non-school night to do this but in college, you can do this practically anytime – which is why time management is key as many people don’t last long in college as they hang out too much.

So build those bonds, make friends and learn about people. Everyone is different so having some diversity in the people you bond with will prepare you the business world upon graduation. And I mean “diversity” not just in the racial and religious sense but also in the sense of personality and background.

10. Enjoy yourself

Life is about memories, so make sure that you’re making a lot of good ones when you’re in college. If you’re very serious about your studies, make sure you allow for some downtime as you can’t go back and start over again – as much as many of us would like to. In addition to school sponsored functions, go out and see the town (especially if you’re in an area new to you). Visit your friends at their homes during breaks and tag along during trips to other campuses. Visit your friends from other schools and bring some new friends along (mixing friends is one of the biggest social challenges that adults face).

Go to parties, concerts, and sporting events and check out the local culture. Just be careful of what you do and do your best to act responsibly. Sex, drugs and alcohol used to be what most parents feared when their kids went off to college. But these days there have been a number of stories in the news about murder, date rape and other violent crimes on college campuses. With camera phones, social networks and search engines, a picture here and there have been posted on the internet to sidetrack many people’s rise to stardom. Just ask several Miss USA contestants and Michael Phelps.

Again, these are the best years of your life so try to make the most out of them. Take some risks, get your ears wet and have some fun. You have your whole life ahead of you so enjoy it.

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A Day of Scams: Facebook and Craigslist

James — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:46:44 +0000

I normally try to keep my posts in the form of articles related to personal development and communication, but today I came across a couple scams that I wanted to share with my readers. These days people are desperate will stop at nothing to take your hard earned money away from you so I want you to ensure that you don’t fall for their deceit.

Craigslist Scam:

I’ve posted a number of things on Craigslist from small items for sale to professional services. Today I received a response to an ad for a new coaching program I’m testing out – I use Craigslist to test out a lot of my marketing material. The response I got was everyone’s dream – “send me your info and I’ll send you a check and then you can train me.” I almost fell for it but then my brain kicked in as I realized this guy wanted to hire me and send a check, all without any questions about who I was and why I’m qualified to help him. The fact that he spent more time giving me details about how I would be paid than he did explaining what he wanted me to help him with raised a red flag.

This scam is popular on Craigslist and eBay and it goes something like this:

A person agrees to pay you for something. They live out of the country so they agree to pay you by cashier’s check.
They claim to try to send the money (usually more than you’re asking for) but there’s a problem (customs, etc…) and they need you to help them cover the cost of processing the check. So they ask you to send some money – which they say they’ll refund to you.
You send the money.
They take your money and run.

There’s a number of dead giveaways that someone is trying this scam on you. Usually it’s for big ticket items such as a laptop or even a car, but they could try for anything such as a block of coaching in my case. Here are some things to look for:

They don’t ask for details about what they’re buying from you.
They bring up payment details before you do.
They seem over-eager to make a deal.
They have a complicated situation such as they live oversees or can only use one method of payment.
They have poor written English and make a lot of typing and grammatical mistakes.

If you happen to receive a response to an ad that’s like this, delete it and forget about it. I know times are tough for a lot of us so we’re more likely to fall for something like this. But like they say: if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

Facebook / Adsense Scam:

I’ve been seeing an ad on Facebook over the last few days about some guy that makes $5000 per month using Google ads. So I clicked through to the site and was totally amazed – some average Joe that lives in the same city as me is earning $60K per year in only minutes per day. And to make it even better, he’ll send me his whole system for only $1.95 – yes, under two bucks and I’ll be on my way to making my millions. He even has a picture of his $5000 check from Google.

I think the part that got me first was that he was from the same place as me. I found it to be a bit suspicious so I used a proxy service to access the site and sure enough, his bio magically changed and he was from a whole different part of the country. I have a technical background (I still code my own website) so I know how easy it is to get this info, but I was still impressed.

However, the Adsense check was a dead giveaway as anyone who uses Adsense (and I do) knows that Google sends you your entire balance when your earnings reach $100. I’ve received a number of these checks and I’ve never had one have an even dollar amount, let alone an amount rounded to the nearest thousand. So even if the Photoshop job on the check looks good, it’s 99.99999999999999999999999% fake.

So what’s the scam? Since I didn’t purchase this system, I suspect two possible scenarios. The first one is that they bill your credit card for more than the $1.95 they claim it will cost you. They’ll either say it’s a mistake or that you didn’t read the fine print, but good luck getting anything back.

The second scenario is that they only give you part of the kit and you need to spend more to get the real secret. This scam is popular in the seminars business (especially for financial or wealth building systems) where you’re invited to a free or cheap program that is essentially a commercial for what they really want to sell you – an expensive system.

Regardless of how they try to get your money, the same advice applies – if it sounds too good to be true, well… you know the rest.

Happy blogging and we’ll return to our normally scheduled programming tomorrow.

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Review: Personal Development for Smart People

James — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 03:54:09 +0000

My friend Steve Pavlina recently published a personal development book which I recently had an opportunity to read. If you’re not familiar with Steve, he’s a video game creator turned personal development blogger who has made quite a name for himself. Steve’s website (StevePavlina.com) gets over two million visitors per month.

Steve’s story is an interesting one – he’s certainly had his ups and downs. The lowest point of his life was sitting in a jail cell at the age of 19 for grand theft auto (and no, he wasn’t influenced by the popular video game). It was a wakeup call for him and he began to make subtle changes such as associating with people that encouraged better behavior, getting his college degree with a double major in record time and then starting up a video game company (something that was also a dream of mine at one point). Steve then became interested in personal development and began spending his time writing articles on personal development. With no special credentials, Steve has managed to become the most successful personal development blogger which is an achievement in itself.

With all that being said, you might wonder what a personal development book by someone like Steve would be like. As someone who has read a number of personal development books, this one can be summed up in one word: unique. With so many personal development books and programs rehashing the same advice , tips and techniques, this book had a refreshing dose of new ideas, suggestions and exercises that I had not seen before. One of my personal favorites is one where you imagine you’re meeting with yourself from five years in the future. You can ask your future self questions and envision what you might become. The second part of the exercise is to meet with yourself from five years ago and have a similar conversation. I found this suggestion extremely effective – especially as I was telling the me from five years ago to hang in there and that it’ll all work itself out in the end. It made the similar advice from my future self seem more realistic and believable.

As for how the book could be improved, a more workbook oriented approach might make it more effective. The problem with many personal development books is that you read them and learn some useful information, but there’s no push to put them into use immediately. Steve does suggest exercises, but it would be more effective if the book had some blank lines after these suggestions that encouraged the reader to fill in some blanks (or grab a sheet of paper and write answers there). The other place I struggled was with the introduction. Steve provides a great overview of his background, but it feels a bit wordy. I can see some people being turned off by Steve’s writing style as it mimics the way he speaks, but I personally prefer that style (and I use it myself).

Overall, the book is well organized and packed with information. If you’d like to give it a look, you can get your copy from Amazon.com
.

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