Fast Results E-Zine
When you sign up, you'll get instant access to my article archives, exclusive content and other freebies. Plus, we will never sell, rent or share your information so sign up today.
Search
Bookmark this Page
Blog Carnivals
Blogroll
Resources
Categories
- Blog Carnival (6)
- Bullying (2)
- Career (36)
- Communicators in the news (19)
- General (15)
- Goal Setting (17)
- Inspiration (15)
- Interpersonal Communication (24)
- Job Interview (16)
- Leadership (4)
- Learning (2)
- Motivation (36)
- Networking (13)
- Online Success (1)
- Personal (1)
- Politics (19)
- Public Speaking (92)
- Quick Tip (7)
- Review (2)
- success (2)
- Time Management (5)
- Toastmasters (22)
- Video of the Week (14)
- Writing (4)
Archives
- July 2009 (2)
- June 2009 (16)
- May 2009 (8)
- April 2009 (7)
- March 2009 (10)
- February 2009 (7)
- January 2009 (8)
- December 2008 (5)
- November 2008 (3)
- October 2008 (7)
- September 2008 (11)
- August 2008 (9)
- July 2008 (18)
- June 2008 (9)
- May 2008 (14)
- April 2008 (14)
- March 2008 (11)
- February 2008 (10)
- January 2008 (13)
- December 2007 (13)
- November 2007 (2)
- October 2007 (4)
- September 2007 (3)
- August 2007 (4)
- July 2007 (3)
- June 2007 (4)
- April 2007 (1)
- February 2007 (2)
- January 2007 (3)
- December 2006 (2)
- November 2006 (7)
- October 2006 (6)
- September 2006 (12)
In part one of this series we talked about the fact that you’re not alone in feeling that sense of hopelessness – practically everyone feels it from time to time. Realizing that your feeling this way is the beginning of the process for pulling yourself out. What we’re going to talk about in this part is how you end up feeling that way to begin with and some things you can do to get out of it.
Why we feel hopelessness:
Hopelessness, by definition, means that you’re in a situation with no hope for improvement. Failure is inevitable and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change the situation or imminent outcome. This feeling comes from both internal and external sources. Internally, we may have set goals or standards for ourselves that were too aggressive. Externally, someone else may say something (either with or without malicious intent) that makes us feel like we have no options – this a common technique in bulling .
In order for you to overcome that feeling, you need to know why you’re feeling that at that particular moment. Some common reasons:
- Job loss (such as firing or layoff).
- Ending of a relationship (especially if it was long term or a divorce).
- Financial hardships.
- Illnesses.
- Actions or words from someone who’s opinion you respect.
- Not meeting a goal.
- Getting a bad grade (this is common among people in school).
- Verbal or physical abuse from a bully.
- Threats made against you.
- Making a mistake that has serious consequences.
This is far from an exhaustive list, but the underlying theme is that you didn’t meet an expectation and feel that there’s no way to rectify the situation. For example: in the case of job loss, you failed to remain gainfully employed.
Take another look at this list and look at some of the items that do not currently pertain to you. Each one of these reasons have put people in the most dire of situations. Without making light of these situations, I knew someone who committed suicide over the loss of a job and I knew someone else that did the same because his girlfriend broke up with him. I’ve experience both (multiple times) and I’m still here and you may have experienced them as well. What may not seem like a big deal to you might be a big thing to me or vice versa – but which one of us right?
Putting it in perspective:
You’ll find that there are very few situations out there where there truly is no glimmer of hope and those are limited to terminal injuries and diseases. Yes, in your situation it might seem like the end of the world but time really does heal all wounds.
When I look back at my younger years, I’m almost embarrassed at the things I used to get upset over: Losing a game, not getting a date with that perfect girl, losing a whopping $10, getting a C- on my report card, not being able to go to that big party, having a disagreement with a friend, etc…. Sure, these things meant a lot to me in high school, but have no bearing on my life now.
Even as an adult, things like losing a job that I absolutely hated seemed like I’d never be able to get through it at the time, but turned out to be a good thing (it was so good, I ended up losing my next job right away). It was a traumatic experience at the time, but now I’m able to simply look back and laugh about it.
The key is just waiting it out until you can look back on it and laugh. If you procrastinate, then put that skill to good use by procrastinating away feeling hopeless.
You can be down about something that doesn’t go your way, but believing that things will always be bad and never get better is the recipe for hopelessness.
In the film “The Crow,” the title character tells a young girl who has had a lot bad things happen to her that “it can’t rain all the time.” Just like storms come to pass, so do the troubles we face in life. People have lost it all and bounced back to greatness. In his book “How to Get Rich,” Donald Trump tells a story about a deal that put his business $9 billion in debt. Shortly after the deal fell through, he walked down the street and passed a homeless man begging for chain. Trump recalls thinking to himself “I envy the guy – he’s $9 billion richer than me.” Within a few years, Trump was bigger than ever with a hit reality TV show and his face constantly in the media.
Yes, we may not all be like Trump, but I’m sure our debt problems are significantly less than $9 Billion. In most cases, our own ingenuity, persistence and drive is enough to get us out of the worst of situations. In other cases, support groups, Samaritans, charities, friends and family members are there for us – we just need to ask.
Pulling yourself out of the abyss:
You alone have the power to find your way out nearly bad situation. The next time you feel like things can never get better do the following:
1. Write the following quotations down on a piece of paper and then read them aloud three times with a big confident grin on your face:
- It can’t rain all the time.
- I can find my way out of this.
- This is a temporary condition, not a permanent one.
- Other people have made it through similar situations – so can I.
- In two years, I’ll be able to look back and laugh at how worried I was about this situation.
- Obstacles are the stepping stones to greatness.
2. Ask yourself the following questions and write down the answers:
- What are five things I can do right now to pull myself out of this rut?
- Who are some people that have successfully dealt with these circumstances and how did they do it?
- What assets (skills, knowledge, relationships, possessions, etc…) do I have that help me with this situation?
3. Sit back, close your eyes and visualize yourself getting through the tough time. Imagine yourself one year in the future and how proud of yourself you are because you made it through
Everyone faces challenges from time to time but we must ensure that we don’t let these challenges take our will to live away. Life really is just a game, so don’t take it too seriously. As self-help guru Tony Robbins says “The past does not equal the future!” so even if things haven’t gone right for you in the past, today is a new day. You can change your life for the better with a simple decision that takes a fraction of a second. So pull yourself out of that rut and show the world why you’re a force to be reckoned with.
Check out these Related posts:
calendar
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jul | Sep » | |||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Recent Posts
Popular Articles
- Interview Question: What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- You Can’t Please Everyone
- Have a Communication Fear? Here’s What To Do About it
- Public Speaking Success: How to Get Ideas for Speech Topics
- Personal Power: Should you Focus on your Strengths or Strengthen your Weaknesses
- Job Interview Questions: Where Do You Expect to Be in Five Years?
- Public Speaking: How to Write a Speech - Part 1: Your Speech Outline
- Success: Ten Tips For College Students - Part 1
- Job Interview Questions: Describe Your Ideal Boss
- Public Speaking: How to Write a Powerful Conclusion for Your Speech
- Success: Ten Things To Do in High School
Recent Comments
- Gretchen on Job Interview Success: Job Interview Tips Roundup
- Why John and Kate Split | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development on Career Success: How a Crisis Can Become Your Opportunity for Greatness
- Dream Strategy » Blog Archive » Carnival of College Admission: No More Pencils, No More Books, No More Teachers Dirty Looks! HELLO SUMMER! on Success: Ten Things To Do in High School
- Samit on Quick Tip: How to Stop Mumbling
- Quick Tip: How to Stop Mumbling | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development on Public Speaking Success: How to Speak with Clarity
- Quick Tip: How to Stop Mumbling | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development on Public Speaking Success: Three Ways to Improve Your Speech Delivery
- Acting and Public Speaking | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development on Public Speaking Success: How to Use Your Voice to Engage Your Audience
- Acting and Public Speaking | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development on How to Improve Your Memory
recent entries
- Does it Really Make Sense to Double Your Failure Rate?
- Lessons from Michael Jackson
- Why John and Kate Split
- Quick Tip: How to Stop Mumbling
- Acting and Public Speaking
- Job Interview Success: Job Interview Tips Roundup
- What I Learned at Toastmasters Last Night
- On-line Success: How Do You Use Twitter?
- Public Speaking Success: Does Volume Matter?
- Sometimes We Forget How Lucky We Really Are
Wordpress theme by Wordpress Themes & made free by Internet Marketing Center
© 2006-2008 James Feudo All Rights Reserved.



6 users commented on " Overcoming Hopelessness: Part 2 – Getting Out of the Rut: "
August 18 2008
Hoplessness can devestate one’s self-esteem as it keeps him or her in a negative mental attitude,and consequently no progress will be observed.
August 25 2008
[...] see ourselves. Chronic negative thinking can set us up for failure and in its worst form, lead to feelings of hopelessness. Negative words can be contagious and can affect the moral of groups, lead to negativity in the [...]
October 6 2008
[...] discussed a few ways to deal with hopelessness in some prior posts, but one of the techniques I’ve found most effective for beating the blues is [...]
October 24 2008
[...] Print This Post Children are truly amazing people – they have an unbelievable outlook on life and the world. Many of the things that stress us out as adults were things that we looked forward to as children. Life was simple: no bills, no job, no appointments, no real responsibility. I remember one particular summer where my agenda was to discover the hidden treasures in the woods behind the new house my family moved into – I woke up at the crack of dawn to get started and I’d be up half the night scheming and planning out the following day. I don’t understand why as adults, we forget that excitement we once had as children and as children, we can’t wait to become adults. As young adults, we’re chided to not act childish yet sometimes as adults, acting childish is the medicine that we need to cheer ourselves up during tough times. [...]
March 3 2009
[...] Feudo presents Overcoming Hopelessness: Part 2 – Getting Out of the Rut: | Overnight Sensation - Public Speaking,… posted at Overnight Sensation, saying, “Sometimes we can pull through those tough times by [...]
March 4 2009
[...] just generally taking action (or hustling) in your life. In the end, doing this things will get you out of your rut and help you to have better self-esteem which are both things that improve your feelings about [...]